








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
239 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 572 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 95 | 17% |
| Smokes | 151 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 193 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 133 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $49,119 of utility $60 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doc_Leviosa | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | C0nd0mF1ller | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | Atschuhar | 75% | 8 |
| #4 | pipellinepunch | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | Was macht Gzuz?! | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Apatscho207 | 50% | 14 |
| #9 | Carlo | 47% | 15 |
| #10 | 多虧了我的腹部豐滿,我 | 45% | 11 |
| #11 | 我不能再這樣做了 | 38% | 8 |
| #12 | 𝖝𝖃๖ۣۜD𝕽𝔼𝕬𝕸 | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apatscho207 | 2 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | 多虧了我的腹部豐滿,我 | 1 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Atschuhar | 1 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | 我不能再這樣做了 | 1 | 0.0070 |
| #5 | pipellinepunch | 1 | 0.0172 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Carlo | 43 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #2 | 多虧了我的腹部豐滿,我 | 35 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | Apatscho207 | 20 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | Doc_Leviosa | 16 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | C0nd0mF1ller | 11 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doc_Leviosa | +8.62 | 76 | 36 |
| #2 | Atschuhar | +6.11 | 96 | 38 |
| #3 | 我不能再這樣做了 | +5.94 | 19 | 52 |
| #4 | 𝖝𝖃๖ۣۜD𝕽𝔼𝕬𝕸 | +4.41 | 69 | 41 |
| #5 | 多虧了我的腹部豐滿,我 | +1.56 | 72 | 61 |





