










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 41 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
92 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 318 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 108 | 34% |
| Smokes | 133 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 30 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 47 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $65,447 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Booman | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Cornelius Chugachoo Applebottom | 100% | 2 |
| #3 | DiceLodedDiper | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | Bower | 45% | 11 |
| #5 | Mills | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sean Paul | 3 | 0.0120 |
| #2 | DiceLodedDiper | 3 | 0.0142 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Varkin | 32 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | DiceLodedDiper | 22 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #3 | Sean Paul | 14 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | Bower | 7 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | Mills | 3 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cornelius Chugachoo Applebottom | +5.82 | 83 | 6 |
| #2 | Mills | +5.32 | 53 | 28 |
| #3 | Booman | +5.24 | 75 | 71 |
| #4 | Bower | +2.84 | 77 | 11 |
| #5 | Varkin | +2.36 | 61 | 44 |





