








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1096 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 492 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5455 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,630 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6061 | 33% |
| Smokes | 5487 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4177 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2905 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,908,448 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 758 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Subaroo | 48% | 146 |
| #4 | bmeNN: BC | 46% | 82 |
| #5 | toy yoda | 46% | 143 |
| #6 | F3nTanYL | 45% | 66 |
| #7 | SlinkyNoodo | 45% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toy yoda | 12 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | ﻨ×νﻨ. | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Subaroo | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | bmeNN: BC | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | F3nTanYL | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toy yoda | 461 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | ﻨ×νﻨ. | 238 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | Subaroo | 234 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #4 | bmeNN: BC | 196 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | F3nTanYL | 171 | 0.12 | 4 min |





