








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 121 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
593 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 922 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 87 | 9% |
| Smokes | 427 | 46% |
| HE Grenades | 302 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 106 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $474,295 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⚡BigBoy⚡Bandit.camp | 55% | 56 |
| #2 | Vegan Cock | 54% | 26 |
| #3 | Skojaren | 53% | 17 |
| #4 | Sir Isaac Newton | 52% | 31 |
| #5 | ⚡LilBoy⚡ | 47% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⚡BigBoy⚡Bandit.camp | 154 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | ⚡LilBoy⚡ | 59 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | Vegan Cock | 29 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | Sir Isaac Newton | 21 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | Skojaren | 20 | 0.06 | 0 min |





