








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 55 matches | ||
| Wingman | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2807 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1021 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1166 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 567 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 421 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $539,160 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jared | 55% | 127 |
| #2 | diego | 53% | 102 |
| #3 | ryan (saved by Christ) | 52% | 66 |
| #4 | north sulawesi | 51% | 213 |
| #5 | jake | 51% | 215 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jake | 16 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | jared | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | ryan (saved by Christ) | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | north sulawesi | 4 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | north sulawesi | 689 | 0.16 | 17 min |
| #2 | jake | 553 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #3 | jared | 234 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | ryan (saved by Christ) | 179 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | diego | 175 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jared | +3.82 | 66 | 66 |
| #2 | ryan (saved by Christ) | +1.51 | 76 | 46 |
| #3 | diego | +1.15 | 88 | 51 |
| #4 | ٴ | +0.61 | 66 | 39 |
| #5 | north sulawesi | -0.41 | 59 | 62 |





