








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1008 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Faceit | 94 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2976 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,340 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3721 | 45% |
| Smokes | 1058 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1330 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2231 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $664,517 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 946 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cradler | 94% | 16 |
| #2 | Not ME | 88% | 17 |
| #3 | G O A T | 78% | 18 |
| #4 | King Baldwin IV | 63% | 49 |
| #5 | SkaR '_' IWPL | 59% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | King Baldwin IV | 63% | 49 |
| #5 | SkaR '_' IWPL | 59% | 76 |
| #6 | Patrick Bateman | 56% | 133 |
| #7 | Iceman | 48% | 27 |
| #8 | ♚ O J R ♚ | 31% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Patrick Bateman | 15 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | King Baldwin IV | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | SkaR '_' IWPL | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | ♚ O J R ♚ | 3 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Patrick Bateman | 440 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | SkaR '_' IWPL | 183 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | King Baldwin IV | 173 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | Cradler | 77 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | G O A T | 49 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not ME | +4.19 | 68 | 60 |
| #2 | Blalo | +2.75 | 61 | 57 |
| #3 | King Baldwin IV | +2.69 | 67 | 68 |
| #4 | Cradler | +1.98 | 64 | 59 |
| #5 | SkaR '_' IWPL | +0.25 | 77 | 52 |





