










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 380 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 145 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1404 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,261 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 970 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2091 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2123 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1077 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,023,594 of utility $211 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ntr. | 10 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | TXGODYoda | 8 | 0.0160 |
| #3 | Osama bin lagging. | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Devos | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Rael | 3 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ntr. | 246 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | Osama bin lagging. | 133 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | LDC- | 123 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #4 | Devos | 99 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | TXGODYoda | 72 | 0.14 | 2 min |





