








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 139 matches | ||
| Renown | 71 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3375 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4047 | 39% |
| Smokes | 2369 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1619 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2260 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $361,606 of utility $59 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1202 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | registrert seksuell fornærmer | 56% | 18 |
| #2 | Ugrosnob! | 50% | 18 |
| #3 | Scoliosis Goblin (Hes Crippled) | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | registrert seksuell fornærmer | 56% | 18 |
| #2 | Ugrosnob! | 50% | 18 |
| #3 | Scoliosis Goblin (Hes Crippled) | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | registrert seksuell fornærmer | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Ugrosnob! | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ugrosnob! | 98 | 0.26 | 2 min |
| #2 | registrert seksuell fornærmer | 30 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Scoliosis Goblin (Hes Crippled) | 18 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ugrosnob! | +2.59 | 51 | 64 |
| #2 | registrert seksuell fornærmer | +2.20 | 59 | 59 |
| #3 | Irish ☘ | +0.42 | 81 | 60 |
| #4 | Scoliosis Goblin (Hes Crippled) | -1.22 | 64 | 35 |





