








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 260 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 104 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
978 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,592 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 231 | 9% |
| Smokes | 966 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 487 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 908 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $811,816 of utility $248 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 431 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | | 42% | 126 |
| #4 | | 41% | 75 |
| #5 | Ebou | 39% | 18 |
| #6 | Daddy | 38% | 24 |
| #7 | Blue motherfucker Frog | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | | 6 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Angry Bird | 6 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Daddy | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Ebou | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Angry Bird | 99 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | | 85 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | | 51 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Daddy | 7 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | Blue motherfucker Frog | 1 | 0.00 | 0 min |





