








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 419 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 267 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2470 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,535 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1132 | 17% |
| Smokes | 2926 | 45% |
| HE Grenades | 1821 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 656 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,577,646 of utility $219 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2157 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Connor O'Malley | 56% | 57 |
| #2 | JNASTY93 | 51% | 133 |
| #3 | fartnut | 51% | 225 |
| #4 | AlmightyBunghole | 47% | 187 |
| #5 | AoP Shakes | 47% | 143 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Connor O'Malley | 56% | 57 |
| #2 | JNASTY93 | 51% | 133 |
| #3 | fartnut | 51% | 225 |
| #4 | AlmightyBunghole | 47% | 187 |
| #5 | AoP Shakes | 47% | 143 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fartnut | 13 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | AlmightyBunghole | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | AoP Shakes | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | JNASTY93 | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Connor O'Malley | 5 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fartnut | 353 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #2 | Connor O'Malley | 224 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #3 | AlmightyBunghole | 192 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | AoP Shakes | 178 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | JNASTY93 | 43 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Connor O'Malley | +6.14 | 73 | 63 |
| #2 | fartnut | +0.38 | 16 | 53 |
| #3 | Girth Quake | +0.30 | 42 | 44 |
| #4 | AoP Shakes | -0.30 | 41 | 43 |
| #5 | AlmightyBunghole | -2.60 | 33 | 49 |





