








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 87 matches | ||
| Wingman | 27 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1306 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 645 | 20% |
| Smokes | 985 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 668 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 997 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $270,923 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Reno | 69% | 29 |
| #2 | Pingu | 66% | 64 |
| #3 | Not Not Dill | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | mvqiCS | 58% | 90 |
| #5 | fisken | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | mvqiCS | 58% | 90 |
| #5 | fisken | 57% | 7 |
| #6 | Hiboo | 56% | 59 |
| #7 | the messiah | 53% | 15 |
| #8 | Vitzeel | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mvqiCS | 8 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Pingu | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Hiboo | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Reno | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Vitzeel | 1 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mvqiCS | 479 | 0.25 | 13 min |
| #2 | Hiboo | 137 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Pingu | 135 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | the messiah | 30 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Not Not Dill | 29 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hiboo | +1.59 | 90 | 54 |
| #2 | fisken | +1.54 | 84 | 55 |
| #3 | mvqiCS | +0.62 | 82 | 66 |
| #4 | Alfie | +0.56 | 79 | 45 |
| #5 | the messiah | +0.34 | 74 | 51 |





