








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 87 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1055 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,891 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1483 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1411 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 873 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1124 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $109,616 of utility $51 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Reno | 69% | 29 |
| #2 | Not Not Dill | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | Pingu | 63% | 43 |
| #4 | Alfie | 58% | 90 |
| #5 | fisken | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Alfie | 58% | 90 |
| #5 | fisken | 57% | 7 |
| #6 | the messiah | 57% | 14 |
| #7 | Hiboo | 57% | 56 |
| #8 | Vitzeel | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pingu | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Alfie | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Hiboo | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Reno | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Vitzeel | 1 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alfie | 149 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | Hiboo | 133 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Pingu | 120 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | Not Not Dill | 27 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | the messiah | 25 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hiboo | +1.57 | 90 | 54 |
| #2 | fisken | +1.54 | 84 | 55 |
| #3 | the messiah | +1.08 | 77 | 50 |
| #4 | mvqiCS | +0.56 | 81 | 68 |
| #5 | Not Not Dill | +0.52 | 83 | 63 |





