








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 108 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
931 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,827 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 301 | 8% |
| Smokes | 713 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1670 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 1143 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $327,219 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THORNEY | 55% | 31 |
| #2 | Tom | nomeuu | 53% | 113 |
| #3 | Barra | 52% | 54 |
| #4 | Kvickmort ツ | 52% | 83 |
| #5 | Mike | 50% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Barra | 52% | 54 |
| #4 | Kvickmort ツ | 52% | 83 |
| #5 | Mike | 50% | 32 |
| #6 | RedCox | 50% | 46 |
| #7 | KENDØ | 45% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kvickmort ツ | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | THORNEY | 2 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tom | nomeuu | 291 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #2 | Kvickmort ツ | 251 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | Barra | 243 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #4 | RedCox | 127 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mike | 72 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tom | nomeuu | +1.24 | 64 | 70 |
| #2 | Barra | +0.85 | 71 | 65 |
| #3 | Kvickmort ツ | +0.83 | 67 | 63 |
| #4 | RedCox | +0.67 | 79 | 51 |
| #5 | Mike | +0.05 | 48 | 57 |





