








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,475 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 699 | 28% |
| Smokes | 433 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 819 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 524 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $150,309 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Samala macking kachow | 45% | 44 |
| #8 | syssy | 41% | 27 |
| #9 | sackling | 36% | 14 |
| #10 | bulk | 30% | 20 |
| #11 | Apinan kurittaja | 24% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apinan kurittaja | 5 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | syssy | 5 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | Pikkuporkkana | 3 | 0.0323 |
| #4 | Artuux | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Samala macking kachow | 2 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Samala macking kachow | 223 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #2 | Artuux | 139 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | bulk | 100 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #4 | syssy | 99 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | sackling | 48 | 0.17 | 1 min |





