








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 84 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
479 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 197 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 31 | 16% |
| Smokes | 71 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 49 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 46 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $15,629 of utility $21 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lylou | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Vince - ヴィンス | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Sad Smiles | 67% | 3 |
| #4 | METAL ROACH | 64% | 11 |
| #5 | SkaBooM!!! | 54% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | SkaBooM!!! | 54% | 28 |
| #6 | Cinnamon Buns | 52% | 31 |
| #7 | One Armed Bandit | 50% | 30 |
| #8 | Mozzarella Fox | 36% | 11 |
| #9 | METAL ROACH | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cinnamon Buns | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | One Armed Bandit | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Vince - ヴィンス | 2 | 0.0299 |
| #4 | Mozzarella Fox | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cinnamon Buns | 64 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | SkaBooM!!! | 13 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #3 | Vince - ヴィンス | 12 | 0.18 | 0 min |
| #4 | METAL ROACH | 4 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #5 | One Armed Bandit | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | METAL ROACH | +7.84 | 83 | 52 |
| #2 | METAL ROACH | +5.71 | 81 | 33 |
| #3 | Lylou | +4.15 | 26 | 26 |
| #4 | Cosmic | +3.53 | 75 | 27 |
| #5 | Sad Smiles | +0.61 | 55 | 6 |





