








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 419 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 206 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2741 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,015 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1674 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2094 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2256 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1991 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $685,338 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 86 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the second best spoon | 57% | 101 |
| #2 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | 57% | 230 |
| #3 | Jb | 56% | 140 |
| #4 | MrMcc | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | soaponmypatio | 49% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Jb | 56% | 140 |
| #4 | MrMcc | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | soaponmypatio | 49% | 73 |
| #6 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | 42% | 26 |
| #7 | ✘AZelbmerT✘ | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | 16 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Jb | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | the second best spoon | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | soaponmypatio | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jb | 577 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #2 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | 441 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #3 | the second best spoon | 259 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | soaponmypatio | 235 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | 49 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | strangeloop | +4.09 | 84 | 63 |
| #2 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | +1.69 | 76 | 57 |
| #3 | Jb | -0.24 | 69 | 63 |
| #4 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | -0.31 | 60 | 66 |
| #5 | ✘AZelbmerT✘ | -0.73 | 48 | 44 |





