








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1051 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 929 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 176 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9890 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 31,520 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6477 | 21% |
| Smokes | 9204 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 8015 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 7824 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,501,232 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1535 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | strangeloop | 57% | 230 |
| #2 | MrMcc | 55% | 89 |
| #3 | Jb | 54% | 315 |
| #4 | ✘AZelbmerT✘ | 53% | 57 |
| #5 | the second best spoon | 52% | 320 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Jb | 54% | 315 |
| #4 | ✘AZelbmerT✘ | 53% | 57 |
| #5 | the second best spoon | 52% | 320 |
| #6 | soaponmypatio | 51% | 372 |
| #7 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | 49% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | strangeloop | 17 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | soaponmypatio | 14 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | the second best spoon | 11 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Jb | 11 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | 10 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | soaponmypatio | 1434 | 0.18 | 33 min |
| #2 | Jb | 1388 | 0.21 | 40 min |
| #3 | the second best spoon | 960 | 0.14 | 22 min |
| #4 | strangeloop | 493 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #5 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | 200 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | strangeloop | +4.00 | 84 | 63 |
| #2 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | +1.86 | 71 | 54 |
| #3 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | +0.90 | 61 | 65 |
| #4 | soaponmypatio | +0.02 | 72 | 72 |
| #5 | Jb | -0.08 | 69 | 63 |





