








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 640 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 510 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 82 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5300 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,009 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7555 | 29% |
| Smokes | 6419 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5346 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 6689 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,148,184 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 387 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | strangeloop | 57% | 101 |
| #2 | Jb | 54% | 105 |
| #3 | soaponmypatio | 54% | 190 |
| #4 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | 52% | 65 |
| #5 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | 52% | 320 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jb | 54% | 105 |
| #3 | soaponmypatio | 54% | 190 |
| #4 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | 52% | 65 |
| #5 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | 52% | 320 |
| #6 | MrMcc | 47% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | 27 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | soaponmypatio | 9 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | strangeloop | 8 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | 8 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | MrMcc | 5 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | soaponmypatio | 740 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #2 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | 674 | 0.10 | 18 min |
| #3 | Jb | 441 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #4 | strangeloop | 190 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | MrMcc | 121 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | strangeloop | +4.19 | 85 | 63 |
| #2 | Barry The Benevolent Baboon | +1.87 | 74 | 54 |
| #3 | uǝɥʇɐǝH L2M | +0.81 | 59 | 64 |
| #4 | soaponmypatio | +0.43 | 71 | 71 |
| #5 | the second best spoon | -0.26 | 47 | 73 |





