








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 912 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 180 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 169 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 160 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 75 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6253 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,822 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5904 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4296 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4201 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4421 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,518,183 of utility $276 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1096 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ethor | 52% | 202 |
| #2 | Yayhe | 48% | 167 |
| #3 | Melon.jpg | 45% | 55 |
| #4 | AlpacaBowl | 43% | 926 |
| #5 | II jay II | 41% | 162 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Melon.jpg | 45% | 55 |
| #4 | AlpacaBowl | 43% | 926 |
| #5 | II jay II | 41% | 162 |
| #6 | Nepsy | 40% | 146 |
| #7 | Poop | 37% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlpacaBowl | 44 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Yayhe | 30 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | II jay II | 17 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Melon.jpg | 10 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | Ethor | 9 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlpacaBowl | 3205 | 0.17 | 88 min |
| #2 | Yayhe | 626 | 0.19 | 19 min |
| #3 | Nepsy | 402 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #4 | Poop | 327 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #5 | Ethor | 282 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ethor | +3.67 | 73 | 66 |
| #2 | Yayhe | +2.68 | 54 | 74 |
| #3 | Melon.jpg | +2.56 | 81 | 64 |
| #4 | Nepsy | +2.32 | 83 | 67 |
| #5 | Poop | +0.23 | 64 | 57 |





