








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 488 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4078 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,985 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5073 | 34% |
| Smokes | 3535 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3529 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2848 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,390,624 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 505 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jonners | 62% | 29 |
| #2 | Melon.jpg | 58% | 60 |
| #3 | Yayhe | 52% | 100 |
| #4 | Rad | 51% | 35 |
| #5 | Spencedog | 51% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | AlpacaBowl | 48% | 273 |
| #7 | Poop | 42% | 55 |
| #8 | La Flame | 40% | 146 |
| #9 | Ethor | 40% | 80 |
| #10 | II jay II | 40% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yayhe | 17 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | AlpacaBowl | 11 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Spencedog | 11 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | Melon.jpg | 10 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | Poop | 5 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlpacaBowl | 869 | 0.16 | 24 min |
| #2 | Yayhe | 365 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #3 | Melon.jpg | 205 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | La Flame | 187 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Spencedog | 181 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jonners | +2.59 | 84 | 67 |
| #2 | Nepsy | +1.89 | 82 | 69 |
| #3 | Melon.jpg | +1.80 | 79 | 72 |
| #4 | Ethor | +1.48 | 69 | 61 |
| #5 | Rad | +1.44 | 71 | 71 |





