








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 117 matches | ||
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,834 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3195 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2478 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2319 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1842 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,134,061 of utility $202 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 368 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Ruth- | 68% | 19 |
| #2 | Sh3li | 54% | 160 |
| #3 | CuckmySock | 53% | 19 |
| #4 | BEIN | 50% | 103 |
| #5 | FatJesus | 49% | 146 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Sh3li | 54% | 160 |
| #3 | CuckmySock | 53% | 19 |
| #4 | BEIN | 50% | 103 |
| #5 | FatJesus | 49% | 146 |
| #6 | Inked | 47% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Inked | 41 | 0.0149 |
| #2 | Sh3li | 26 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | FatJesus | 10 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | BEIN | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | ✪ Ruth- | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Inked | 947 | 0.34 | 23 min |
| #2 | Sh3li | 430 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | FatJesus | 378 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #4 | BEIN | 223 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | CuckmySock | 59 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Ruth- | +1.99 | 82 | 67 |
| #2 | Gandalf the Black | +1.97 | 75 | 72 |
| #3 | Sh3li | +1.41 | 69 | 65 |
| #4 | Inked | +0.45 | 61 | 70 |
| #5 | FatJesus | -1.28 | 68 | 69 |





