








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 72 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
890 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,145 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 792 | 25% |
| Smokes | 761 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 897 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 695 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $190,973 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EMPTYANER | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Xeniim | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | ★T-Offline★ | 49% | 39 |
| #4 | ✪ xScatmachine ✪ | 46% | 28 |
| #5 | FaiL|ShoT | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EMPTYANER | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Xeniim | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | ★T-Offline★ | 49% | 39 |
| #4 | ✪ xScatmachine ✪ | 46% | 28 |
| #5 | FaiL|ShoT | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★T-Offline★ | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | EMPTYANER | 4 | 0.0133 |
| #3 | ✪ xScatmachine ✪ | 3 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | FaiL|ShoT | 3 | 0.0091 |
| #5 | Xeniim | 1 | 0.0083 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★T-Offline★ | 103 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | FaiL|ShoT | 53 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | EMPTYANER | 37 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | ✪ xScatmachine ✪ | 30 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Xeniim | 12 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FaiL|ShoT | +4.21 | 79 | 57 |
| #2 | EMPTYANER | +3.17 | 96 | 50 |
| #3 | ✪ xScatmachine ✪ | +1.22 | 86 | 61 |
| #4 | ★T-Offline★ | -0.10 | 66 | 60 |
| #5 | Classified | -0.63 | 72 | 52 |





