








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 19 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
192 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 183 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 42 | 23% |
| Smokes | 26 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 75 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 40 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $87,923 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | HCB.COOM | 38% | 16 |
| #5 | HCB.Scoped | 33% | 3 |
| #6 | HCB.Chair | 21% | 14 |
| #7 | HCB.Anonymous | 17% | 12 |
| #8 | HCB.Spiteful93 | 14% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HCB.COOM | 4 | 0.0129 |
| #2 | HCB.Chair | 4 | 0.0145 |
| #3 | HCB.Anonymous | 4 | 0.0168 |
| #4 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 1 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HCB.Anonymous | 38 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #2 | HCB.COOM | 24 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | HCB.Chair | 24 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Ollie Cherpussie | 22 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | HCB.Spiteful93 | 18 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | +11.60 | 91 | 46 |
| #2 | Ollie Cherpussie | +3.47 | 84 | 43 |
| #3 | HCB.Scoped | +3.08 | 51 | 51 |
| #4 | I Like Games | -1.22 | 36 | 28 |
| #5 | HCB.Chair | -2.70 | 46 | 39 |





