








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 800 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 815 matches | ||
| Wingman | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12385 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,931 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4057 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3110 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3711 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2053 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,969,715 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 626 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ?? | 51% | 68 |
| #2 | Eisley #8/24 | 50% | 647 |
| #3 | It's Mary | 49% | 366 |
| #4 | select a bonus | 49% | 89 |
| #5 | Joe the Villager | 49% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Eisley #8/24 | 50% | 647 |
| #3 | It's Mary | 49% | 366 |
| #4 | select a bonus | 49% | 89 |
| #5 | Joe the Villager | 49% | 110 |
| #6 | sΛTO | 43% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eisley #8/24 | 51 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | It's Mary | 15 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Joe the Villager | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | ?? | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | select a bonus | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eisley #8/24 | 1946 | 0.14 | 52 min |
| #2 | It's Mary | 634 | 0.08 | 16 min |
| #3 | select a bonus | 309 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #4 | Joe the Villager | 265 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #5 | sΛTO | 154 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eisley #8/24 | +2.29 | 83 | 69 |
| #2 | Wxqie | +0.76 | 91 | 43 |
| #3 | ?? | +0.63 | 87 | 54 |
| #4 | Joe the Villager | -0.04 | 76 | 48 |
| #5 | sΛTO | -0.60 | 78 | 46 |





