








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 109 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 202 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3189 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,045 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3173 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3690 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1717 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 3465 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $566,258 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 629 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sketch | 65% | 92 |
| #2 | Stunna | 65% | 60 |
| #3 | hirix | 63% | 139 |
| #4 | Anax | 60% | 99 |
| #5 | Carti-kun | 58% | 148 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | t0m :) | 57% | 37 |
| #7 | Vacuum Butt Cannon | 55% | 38 |
| #8 | TarTarBits | 54% | 28 |
| #9 | Zachariah | 51% | 37 |
| #10 | Vicious | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Carti-kun | 44 | 0.0144 |
| #2 | hirix | 12 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Sketch | 9 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Anax | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Stunna | 4 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Anax | 431 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #2 | hirix | 421 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #3 | Sketch | 415 | 0.22 | 11 min |
| #4 | Carti-kun | 294 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #5 | Stunna | 211 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hirix | +2.33 | 86 | 46 |
| #2 | Carti-kun | +2.16 | 90 | 44 |
| #3 | Sketch | +1.86 | 70 | 66 |
| #4 | Dean Gill Berry | +1.07 | 88 | 63 |
| #5 | Vicious | +0.58 | 83 | 66 |





