








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 502 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 276 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2796 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,987 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1682 | 19% |
| Smokes | 3059 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2717 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1529 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,521,769 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 337 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Σ_Male | 49% | 259 |
| #6 | max | 48% | 88 |
| #7 | Jenszz | 45% | 29 |
| #8 | koesh | 40% | 50 |
| #9 | napzter | 36% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | max | 16 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | guapdad300 | 7 | 0.0184 |
| #3 | Jenszz | 5 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | koesh | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Σ_Male | 3 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Σ_Male | 280 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #2 | max | 260 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | Ninetales | 158 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Wytse | 136 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Jenszz | 114 | 0.19 | 3 min |





