








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1217 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 467 matches | ||
| Wingman | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




115 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4803 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,019 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1629 | 10% |
| Smokes | 5159 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 6050 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 4181 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,337,154 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 982 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Z3R0 | 54% | 145 |
| #2 | your mum☔ | 53% | 68 |
| #3 | tr3x | 52% | 82 |
| #4 | Wasserschwein | 51% | 374 |
| #5 | Sashka | 49% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Wasserschwein | 51% | 374 |
| #5 | Sashka | 49% | 69 |
| #6 | monticlassico1187 | 44% | 36 |
| #7 | BiniBanana | 43% | 54 |
| #8 | Sarsten Cahl | 41% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wasserschwein | 46 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | your mum☔ | 17 | 0.0127 |
| #3 | tr3x | 11 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | Sashka | 11 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | BiniBanana | 11 | 0.0101 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wasserschwein | 1213 | 0.15 | 26 min |
| #2 | Sashka | 349 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #3 | Z3R0 | 254 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | BiniBanana | 194 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | tr3x | 193 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sashka | +3.98 | 84 | 68 |
| #2 | BiniBanana | +2.25 | 62 | 51 |
| #3 | Wasserschwein | +0.77 | 38 | 61 |
| #4 | monticlassico1187 | +0.58 | 65 | 54 |
| #5 | Der Masthuhn Vernichter | +0.04 | 54 | 43 |





