








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 758 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Faceit | 72 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2257 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,896 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1748 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1351 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 932 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 865 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,077,683 of utility $248 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 685 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 17 nabo | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | coke = aimbot | 55% | 144 |
| #3 | Vaist | 50% | 12 |
| #4 | Chief Beef | 50% | 50 |
| #5 | Ancient Island Owner | 48% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coke = aimbot | 423 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #2 | Vaist | 90 | 0.35 | 3 min |
| #3 | TONNI7 | 85 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chief Beef | 78 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | PedeB<3 | 42 | 0.15 | 1 min |





