










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 279 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 68 matches | ||
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




118 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2768 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,503 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1446 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1755 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2936 | 45% |
| Molotovs | 366 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $895,343 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 730 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | noweednowife50 | 64 | 0.0188 |
| #2 | otamot | 60 | 0.0104 |
| #3 | sniper monkey | 34 | 0.0133 |
| #4 | promiscuous | 19 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | Potato Head.tractor | 14 | 0.0165 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | otamot | 734 | 0.13 | 18 min |
| #2 | sniper monkey | 478 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #3 | noweednowife50 | 398 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #4 | floor | 270 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #5 | promiscuous | 194 | 0.07 | 5 min |





