








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 355 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3829 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,033 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2835 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3201 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4895 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 3102 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $501,912 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Inspector Foreskin | 54% | 54 |
| #2 | Prickhole | 47% | 79 |
| #3 | Dean0 | 47% | 90 |
| #4 | Hellfire | 44% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Inspector Foreskin | 54% | 54 |
| #2 | Prickhole | 47% | 79 |
| #3 | Dean0 | 47% | 90 |
| #4 | Hellfire | 44% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dean0 | 16 | 0.0089 |
| #2 | Prickhole | 9 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Inspector Foreskin | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Hellfire | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prickhole | 182 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | Dean0 | 97 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Inspector Foreskin | 83 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Hellfire | 30 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hero!c_V!per | +1.30 | 64 | 49 |
| #2 | Hellfire | -0.28 | 64 | 40 |
| #3 | Dean0 | -0.89 | 72 | 42 |
| #4 | Prickhole | -1.83 | 52 | 59 |
| #5 | Inspector Foreskin | -1.93 | 36 | 44 |





