








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1142 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 477 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5837 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,720 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1143 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1801 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3247 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 2529 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,577,078 of utility $224 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1518 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | K_M | 69% | 36 |
| #2 | phu | 64% | 58 |
| #3 | Joyce ♥ Onyx | 62% | 29 |
| #4 | AloofPolo | 60% | 42 |
| #5 | Dean0 | 48% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | AloofPolo | 60% | 42 |
| #5 | Dean0 | 48% | 120 |
| #6 | Inspector Foreskin | 46% | 99 |
| #7 | Hero!c_V!per | 44% | 54 |
| #8 | WobblyLlama | 38% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dean0 | 29 | 0.0118 |
| #2 | Inspector Foreskin | 9 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | WobblyLlama | 6 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | phu | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Joyce ♥ Onyx | 3 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AloofPolo | 225 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #2 | Inspector Foreskin | 197 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Hero!c_V!per | 186 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dean0 | 156 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | WobblyLlama | 139 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | phu | +3.92 | 91 | 65 |
| #2 | Hero!c_V!per | +1.64 | 60 | 53 |
| #3 | Hellfire | +0.96 | 59 | 48 |
| #4 | K_M | -0.86 | 50 | 49 |
| #5 | AloofPolo | -0.87 | 21 | 44 |





