








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 147 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 118 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
747 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,827 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 712 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1370 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1654 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1091 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $837,796 of utility $234 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 169 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | KingRobert#JefeMaximo | 46% | 37 |
| #7 | Exit Fragger Mosta | 44% | 25 |
| #8 | Medikamenten Manfred | 43% | 130 |
| #9 | Hörald | 38% | 13 |
| #10 | Worst Player EU West | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xjkey™ | 19 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | FizzyBurr | 18 | 0.0136 |
| #3 | Medikamenten Manfred | 14 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | KingRobert#JefeMaximo | 10 | 0.0129 |
| #5 | ![]() schweinBESTEIGER | 6 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xjkey™ | 441 | 0.21 | 10 min |
| #2 | FizzyBurr | 305 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #3 | Medikamenten Manfred | 154 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | KingRobert#JefeMaximo | 110 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | ![]() schweinBESTEIGER | 90 | 0.07 | 2 min |





