








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 148 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2194 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,064 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1906 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1463 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1217 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1478 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $436,617 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | pouet pouet | 64% | 14 |
| #9 | Polo l'abricot | 59% | 22 |
| #10 | Bot yoshi | 56% | 9 |
| #11 | NaY | 50% | 10 |
| #12 | Aktorina | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eveN. | 8 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | NAT' | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | pouet pouet | 4 | 0.0133 |
| #4 | PHOB; | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Sakeazey | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NAT' | 318 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #2 | PHOB; | 260 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #3 | Sakeazey | 180 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #4 | eveN. | 131 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | ?RespectAllFearNone | 71 | 0.18 | 2 min |





