








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 306 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4270 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,970 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5896 | 33% |
| Smokes | 5183 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3425 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 3466 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $544,055 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 253 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ascapologist | 67% | 27 |
| #2 | Red Bull Ampol Racing | 62% | 26 |
| #3 | FatFatOtter | 60% | 57 |
| #4 | off1cershpee | 58% | 31 |
| #5 | Dr3am | 55% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | balalalala | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | toast | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Ancient | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Dr3am | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | $mOOthCriMin@l | 2 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toast | 486 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #2 | balalalala | 351 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #3 | Ancient | 239 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | FatFatOtter | 231 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #5 | chan. ♥ | 196 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lyr | +1.90 | 69 | 71 |
| #2 | balalalala | +1.23 | 64 | 44 |
| #3 | off1cershpee | +0.51 | 62 | 60 |
| #4 | hurr0y23 | +0.17 | 73 | 72 |
| #5 | Ascapologist | +0.03 | 54 | 60 |





