








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 494 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 409 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4280 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,678 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2328 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3769 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1994 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1587 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,118,316 of utility $212 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 200 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Ancient | 49% | 263 |
| #10 | Dr3am | 48% | 25 |
| #11 | off1cershpee | 47% | 66 |
| #12 | toast | 44% | 122 |
| #13 | chan. ♥ | 42% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lyr | 10 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Ancient | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | FatFatOtter | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | chan. ♥ | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | dubook | 2 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lyr | 887 | 0.21 | 22 min |
| #2 | Ancient | 608 | 0.11 | 15 min |
| #3 | toast | 395 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #4 | FatFatOtter | 355 | 0.25 | 9 min |
| #5 | off1cershpee | 285 | 0.20 | 8 min |





