








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 65 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
483 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,638 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 276 | 17% |
| Smokes | 387 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 548 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 427 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $378,222 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lil floppa | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | ♧Viber_noot_noot♧ | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Banzayer | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Nigeriaanse Tuba | 2 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | bram in de buurt | 1 | 0.0098 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banzayer | 156 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #2 | ♧Viber_noot_noot♧ | 85 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | ✪ Lil Bear | 45 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Nigeriaanse Tuba | 42 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | Appelsappie | 38 | 0.24 | 1 min |





