








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 207 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 69 matches | ||
| Renown | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
926 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,667 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1640 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1255 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 835 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 937 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $320,364 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoJo | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Honey | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | Towby | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | Telvozzzar | 58% | 12 |
| #5 | Dr_Fleischmann | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | bwcdavid420 | 33% | 6 |
| #15 | IsMayonez | 29% | 7 |
| #16 | ow | 27% | 15 |
| #17 | gro | 25% | 8 |
| #18 | rondadon | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ΒеѓġеŕŞΛΝ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Kilian | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | u9v | 1 | 0.0081 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ΒеѓġеŕŞΛΝ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 167 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | Jesko / fjk_do | 130 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #3 | Kilian | 67 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Telvozzzar | 67 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| #5 | future22 | 63 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Towby | +3.01 | 74 | 68 |
| #2 | u9v | +2.54 | 99 | 59 |
| #3 | IsMayonez | +2.07 | 87 | 42 |
| #4 | ow | +1.83 | 82 | 59 |
| #5 | Honey | +1.75 | 87 | 79 |





