








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 420 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 157 matches | ||
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Renown | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3683 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,028 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5772 | 36% |
| Smokes | 3302 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3424 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3530 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $710,501 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 406 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | prublem? | 63% | 19 |
| #2 | DieTer HacKing :> | 62% | 39 |
| #3 | Nitschu | 61% | 54 |
| #4 | Toui | 57% | 35 |
| #5 | Neunard | 57% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | pain. | 52% | 63 |
| #10 | gro | 52% | 81 |
| #11 | TILTnas | 46% | 54 |
| #12 | StoneX | 44% | 25 |
| #13 | ΒеѓġеŕŞΛΝ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 34% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TILTnas | 7 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Hiqqz | 6 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | Neunard | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | pain. | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | ΒеѓġеŕŞΛΝ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Neunard | 269 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | Nitschu | 259 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #3 | gro | 246 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #4 | future22 | 222 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #5 | ΒеѓġеŕŞΛΝ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 195 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | prublem? | +2.22 | 69 | 52 |
| #2 | Jesko / fjk_do | +1.90 | 86 | 76 |
| #3 | Hiqqz | +1.85 | 73 | 56 |
| #4 | Neunard | +1.14 | 89 | 63 |
| #5 | Nitschu | +1.08 | 81 | 76 |





