








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 339 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 95 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1755 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,470 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1590 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1771 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 931 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1178 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $901,774 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 578 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kung Fu Panda | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | Alexander Alexanderov | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | sloppy bill on the pill | 60% | 15 |
| #4 | goblins are real | 51% | 49 |
| #5 | holycow | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kung Fu Panda | 7 | 0.0145 |
| #2 | holycow | 6 | 0.0147 |
| #3 | CraMdeN | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | goblins are real | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 3 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | goblins are real | 204 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | A Decently Paid Janitor | 114 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Daybreak | 89 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | holycow | 87 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | CraMdeN | 84 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Decently Paid Janitor | +2.14 | 80 | 54 |
| #2 | Alexander Alexanderov | +2.08 | 63 | 75 |
| #3 | holycow | +1.05 | 58 | 64 |
| #4 | CraMdeN | +1.04 | 63 | 51 |
| #5 | RemixedPixel | +0.98 | 46 | 47 |





