








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
711 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,199 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 481 | 22% |
| Smokes | 429 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 748 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 541 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $342,558 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | LIL UGLY HIME | 45% | 56 |
| #7 | L1me_-🐢 | 43% | 30 |
| #8 | L1nk | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | guanyu | 40% | 10 |
| #10 | noclip ` | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | unx | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | joon | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | LIL UGLY HIME | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LIL UGLY HIME | 152 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | unx | 122 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | joon | 119 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | L1me_-🐢 | 102 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | guanyu | 45 | 0.22 | 2 min |





