








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 940 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 553 matches | ||
| Faceit | 363 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




74 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7919 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 44,506 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11961 | 27% |
| Smokes | 14086 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 12135 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 6324 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,431,200 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 595 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Hades | 50% | 266 |
| #5 | Archiebald Witwicky | 49% | 263 |
| #6 | Karl Hyper | 49% | 916 |
| #7 | Pheli | 48% | 434 |
| #8 | soberfvck | 48% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Karl Hyper | 2406 | 0.13 | 58 min |
| #2 | Pheli | 1199 | 0.13 | 24 min |
| #3 | schutini0 ._. | 367 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #4 | Archiebald Witwicky | 247 | 0.04 | 8 min |
| #5 | Hades | 225 | 0.04 | 5 min |





