










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 180 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1759 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,728 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1362 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1908 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2338 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2120 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $608,259 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 600 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ jeyS. | 53% | 15 |
| #2 | Gustl | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | Herbert Bauer | 47% | 17 |
| #4 | o'O Lukkii .-. | 45% | 100 |
| #5 | almdudlerFan | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | o'O Lukkii .-. | 75 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #2 | ✪ jeyS. | 50 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | Gustl | 49 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Du Heislrotz | 33 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Herbert Bauer | 26 | 0.07 | 1 min |





