








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 103 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 261 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2329 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,867 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3393 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3297 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3765 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2412 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $618,530 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Gustl | 48% | 52 |
| #5 | Sepp | 44% | 36 |
| #6 | MexicanMethMan | 41% | 63 |
| #7 | o'O Lukkii .-. | 39% | 36 |
| #8 | Johann Maier | 36% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Du Heislrotz | 15 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | MexicanMethMan | 6 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Gustl | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Johann Maier | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | SwedishSlutSlayer | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Du Heislrotz | 381 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #2 | Gustl | 136 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Johann Maier | 129 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | MexicanMethMan | 108 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | SwedishSlutSlayer | 70 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Du Heislrotz | +3.86 | 72 | 69 |
| #2 | Gustl | +2.07 | 78 | 66 |
| #3 | o'O Lukkii .-. | +0.64 | 87 | 50 |
| #4 | MexicanMethMan | -0.09 | 49 | 55 |
| #5 | SwedishSlutSlayer | -0.87 | 31 | 56 |





