








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 446 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 527 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,046 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1465 | 11% |
| Smokes | 3775 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 5449 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 2357 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,411,348 of utility $191 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 806 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Auggy | 65% | 51 |
| #2 | TurdTickl3r | 60% | 50 |
| #3 | hold that | 60% | 82 |
| #4 | Von | 59% | 83 |
| #5 | meatwad | 50% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Auggy | 65% | 51 |
| #2 | TurdTickl3r | 60% | 50 |
| #3 | hold that | 60% | 82 |
| #4 | Von | 59% | 83 |
| #5 | meatwad | 50% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Von | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | hold that | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Auggy | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | meatwad | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | TurdTickl3r | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hold that | 494 | 0.29 | 13 min |
| #2 | TurdTickl3r | 444 | 0.42 | 12 min |
| #3 | Auggy | 239 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #4 | Von | 238 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | meatwad | 140 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Auggy | +4.50 | 74 | 57 |
| #2 | hold that | +2.96 | 74 | 76 |
| #3 | TurdTickl3r | +0.64 | 59 | 69 |
| #4 | Von | +0.33 | 66 | 67 |
| #5 | Jerry | +0.17 | 50 | 49 |





