








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 481 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 276 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3150 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,345 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3903 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3490 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3858 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3094 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $622,270 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 137 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerry | 59% | 83 |
| #2 | Kuroi | 58% | 60 |
| #3 | TurdTickl3r | 56% | 108 |
| #4 | Auggy | 55% | 127 |
| #5 | hold that | 53% | 184 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Plinkerton | 43% | 35 |
| #9 | thpinal | 41% | 68 |
| #10 | jamm | 37% | 43 |
| #11 | Machew Peechew | 37% | 30 |
| #12 | joof | 35% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hold that | 10 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | TurdTickl3r | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Auggy | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | thpinal | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Kuroi | 3 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hold that | 1138 | 0.29 | 31 min |
| #2 | TurdTickl3r | 846 | 0.37 | 25 min |
| #3 | Auggy | 554 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #4 | autismo | 305 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #5 | thpinal | 235 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Auggy | +2.70 | 73 | 53 |
| #2 | hold that | +1.93 | 73 | 72 |
| #3 | autismo | +1.31 | 70 | 64 |
| #4 | Kuroi | +1.31 | 71 | 50 |
| #5 | Machew Peechew | +0.50 | 76 | 65 |





