








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 157 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 149 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2039 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,775 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1849 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2005 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1119 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 802 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $407,949 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 162 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nuck | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | Hawx | 49% | 89 |
| #3 | ManiacFormula | 49% | 63 |
| #4 | Vandyno | 48% | 52 |
| #5 | One-Eyed Willy | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | One-Eyed Willy | 47% | 15 |
| #6 | DrTriforce | 46% | 85 |
| #7 | CAMMYREX | 45% | 40 |
| #8 | Ted Kawinski | 43% | 21 |
| #9 | Goonicide | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ManiacFormula | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Goonicide | 4 | 0.0130 |
| #3 | Hawx | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | DrTriforce | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | One-Eyed Willy | 2 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hawx | 522 | 0.27 | 15 min |
| #2 | DrTriforce | 219 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | nuck | 155 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | ManiacFormula | 76 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | CAMMYREX | 71 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | One-Eyed Willy | +3.65 | 69 | 42 |
| #2 | Hawx | +2.40 | 88 | 66 |
| #3 | Vandyno | +0.66 | 63 | 38 |
| #4 | Goonicide | +0.13 | 55 | 54 |
| #5 | Dodoman109 | -0.18 | 58 | 49 |





