








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 507 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 236 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3822 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,079 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3555 | 39% |
| Smokes | 3654 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 380 | 4% |
| Molotovs | 1490 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $946,367 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | GoldenCorral | 48% | 46 |
| #8 | ManiacFormula | 48% | 153 |
| #9 | Leap | 47% | 17 |
| #10 | Vandyno | 42% | 158 |
| #11 | Ted Kawinski | 33% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ManiacFormula | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Vandyno | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | nuck | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | DrTriforce | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Dodoman109 | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nuck | 488 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #2 | DrTriforce | 390 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | Dodoman109 | 219 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | ManiacFormula | 217 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | Vandyno | 145 | 0.04 | 3 min |





