








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1183 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,095 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1359 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1547 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 782 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1407 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $566,599 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | LonelyWinter | 47% | 72 |
| #5 | BroMind | 47% | 66 |
| #6 | tralalero tralala | 47% | 141 |
| #7 | Asuna | 46% | 87 |
| #8 | mango | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tristanpangxinghua | 21 | 0.0166 |
| #2 | tralalero tralala | 11 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | mango | 6 | 0.0169 |
| #4 | BroMind | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | LonelyWinter | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tralalero tralala | 603 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #2 | Asuna | 241 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | LonelyWinter | 86 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | mango | 62 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #5 | tristanpangxinghua | 61 | 0.05 | 2 min |





