










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1020 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 209 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 115 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2792 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,814 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3746 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2297 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 3121 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2650 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $990,487 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 258 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | L𝔬n𝔢✞S𝔲rv𝔦v𝔬r | 54% | 70 |
| #8 | Le-Bartender | 53% | 45 |
| #9 | HiTempo | 53% | 201 |
| #10 | TJ | 52% | 54 |
| #11 | Domineerbeer | 52% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HiTempo | 430 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #2 | L𝔬n𝔢✞S𝔲rv𝔦v𝔬r | 171 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | TJ | 115 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Domineerbeer | 112 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | Føx | 83 | 0.04 | 2 min |





