








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 518 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 42 matches | ||
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




87 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3654 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,566 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4235 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2784 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 5320 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 3227 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,598,497 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 283 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Borg | 50% | 220 |
| #3 | Bowser | 49% | 281 |
| #4 | Pilbo Winklater | 48% | 126 |
| #5 | Eggroll | 47% | 315 |
| #6 | Waingro | 45% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Borg | 55 | 0.0123 |
| #2 | Bowser | 52 | 0.0093 |
| #3 | Eggroll | 31 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Pilbo Winklater | 16 | 0.0065 |
| #5 | Waingro | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bowser | 651 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #2 | Borg | 500 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #3 | Eggroll | 382 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #4 | Pilbo Winklater | 96 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Waingro | 70 | 0.11 | 2 min |





